My spiritual state after college graduation in 1992 - Part 1
My spiritual state after college graduation in 1992 - Part 1
In which Teófilo explains he wasn't quite on the mountaintop yet...
One can’t be blamed to believe I was of mature Catholic faith when I completed my B.A. in Theology. One might think my loyalty to the Church was set in stone. But within a year I would be out, albeit not in a formal manner. By that I mean I didn't send a letter to the local bishop saying"I quit." What I ended up doing was moving away, like must people do nowadays, to what I thought was a better thing. In some ways it was.
State of Mind
Yes, in the very beginning I felt intellectually proud about my achievements. Saint Mary's had admitted me to their Graduate Theology course, and I was to start my night courses on Fall. Pride is the root of all sins, and the higher one rises, the harder one falls. Then again, nothing happens in a vacuum and one's motivations are often complicated. The good mixes with the less good; the light with one's darkness. A gray mist can cover one's intellect and will. Without enough spiritual formation one can follow lights that aren't there.
My First Experience of Liturgical Abuse
There were prior shocks and triggers. First, we'd landed a new priest at Kelly AFB at that time. Let's call him "Father R." He was very nice and personable, and a good communicator. But, he arrived, determined to "enculturate" African-American sensibilities into the Mass. The problem was that those sensibilities were to his own.
He turned the Mass into a spectacle. The singing of Amazing Grace replaced the Penitential Rite. Whitney Houston songs substituted for approved hymnography at critical moments in the Mass. Wind instruments played rhythm and blues' "meditation" songs.
Father R. even made wrongful sartorial choices. He took to dressing with flowing Muslim robes and knitted caps on many occasions. I began to wonder dressing like so has got to do with African American culture...
The only thing he didn't change during his celebrations was the Eucharistic Prayer. Had he done so the Mass would've ceased to be a "Mass" and become a standard, Protestant service. At least there was that.
The US Catholic Military Archdiocese's oversight was tenuous at the time. I knew of no mechanism to report the abuse. Worse, I didn't understand this abuse as such. I had never seen a liturgical abuse before. I wasn't even sure what I was seeing. I then felt bereft, displaced, not at home in the local church.
Consequences
I decided to take refuge at the "Mariachi Mass" at a parish outside the base. I no longer recall its name. Though a few times before this situation I'd enjoyed the liturgy, the enjoyment had dried up. I couldn't tell you back then what I felt was missing. Today I can tell you I was missing a sense of awe, of reverence and respect. My theological studies had been too general. They hadn't included liturgy and deeper theological, Thomistic reasoning.
I did begin to question my place in the Church, but ashamed of doubting, I buried the questions deep within me. They would resurface again.
Too many priests justify these blunders appealing to the “spirit” of the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965). They appeal to this amorphous, evil spirit because they either haven’t read, or refuse to read the conciliar documents themselves. They appear not to realize the damage they have inflicted and continue to inflict upon the Church. Or maybe they know, and they don’t care, as long as they believe they’re advancing some “renewal.”
As for Fr. R. in the years since, it looks like he outgrew that phase. He continues on active ministry in a southern U.S. archdiocese. His ministry looks fruitful and successful. He now dons the standard vestments of the Latin Rite. I haven’t been able to find any pictures of his time as chaplain at Kelly AFB.
(To be continued)