A Life Examined | A Time to Reap
In which Teófilo brings his life story to the end.
Dear Readers and Loyal Subscribers:
After a 3-year effort, I’ve reached the end of the pre-draft of my life story, from my birth to September 11, 2001 and on to a brief summary—spread throughout many posts—of my life after that date. This doesn’t mean I won’t post any more. I will! What shape my writing on Substack will now take is something I’ve been reflecting about for a while. TBD. Thank you for your ongoing patronage and loyalty.
Under His Mercy
~Theo
COVID killed my professional star
My employment was another one of the casualties during "my years of loss." The COVID epidemic had a negative impact upon my career. Suddenly, I was boxed into a windowless room, fielding decreasing number of questions from younger staff. Then I helped engineer a more efficient way to serve the staff--and thus I nullified my own job. I had accumulated enough time to retire and I reckoned my time had come.
I hung up my hat in the spring of 2024, after almost 40 years of military and civil service to the people of the United States of America. My service was honorable but undistinguished. Nevertheless, I was honored to serve, and to take the oath to defend our Constitution “against all enemies, foreign or domestic.” The oath forged an allegiance I’ll never break, and also a vocation for service I’ll never abandon.
I finished the necessary paperwork and used up some leave. On my last day I handed in my phone, badge, and parking pass—and quietly drove away, almost invisible, toward the sunset.
And that, was that.
Post-Retirement
Retirement felt, and continues to feel, like convalescing from a long illness. I help around the house (maybe), govern the household every Monday via email, take the garbage out... I read a lot and also, I write. I journal. And I pray, pray the Jesus Prayer, almost all the time. I observe a prayer rule. I attend the Eucharist and frequent the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
I also wait. I wonder if this gentle rhythm of stillness, home, and half-lit solitude is the path the Lord has laid out for the rest of my days. In my life I went from being a leader to being a servant leader--which is a better type of leadership. Is my role now to be just a servant? Sounds counterintuitive to me, but it's the probable answer to my prayer, o Lord, please make me humble.
Humility is the greatest virtue which risks making humility itself vain. It hurts much to be humble as I must become small. The shrinking process pains my ego. The pain means I must be doing it right—with God's sanctifying grace helping me.
What else does the Lord has in store for me? I don’t know, but I’m eager to find out.
Wrapping up
In most ways my life has been quite ordinary. Lots of people are born in broken families. Too many people are victims of one or both their parents. Children who grow up wounded often become adults with fragile self-worth, a blurred sense of identity, and emotions shaped more by survival than self. But that's been my personal story and I’d come to accept it.
But my story is also one of divine grace given at an early age. Also of love discovered, given, and reciprocated. It's a story of hope against adversity. It's a life with an eye and an ear turned to God's will—but also away from Him some times. It's also a story of return to Him, of a renewed quest for Him with all my mind, strength, and heart. It’s a story that started with a “burst” of the Holy Spirit and will finish, I pray, with the never ending indwelling of Him who has brought peace to my restless heart.
It is a story of great suffering but also of the joy of early love. In fact, most of this story is about what took place during our "...and they lived happily thereafter" years. Every joy and sorrow, every trial and triumph Mercie and I have shared—it's all part of the legacy that shaped me, of the love that wrote my story.
It’s also the story of how I let myself be sought and found—like a soul called from the wilderness, or a sheep led beside still waters. I've striven to live according to God's teachings and his commandments. He has added unto me length of days, years of life, and peace (Proverbs 3-12). He's given me a wife who is virtuous, and a source of strength and blessing for me (Proverbs 31:10-31). He has granted me to see my children's children (Psalm 128:6).
Yes, I've reached the autumn of my life. This is the time of reaping what I've sown. I have fewer "months" ahead of me than behind me, in this my "life year." Yes, I can see my winter from where I stand.
I expect that love will continue to play the principal role in what's left of my life. I expect even more lessons on love and humility from Him who has made me and calls me unto Himself. I’m certain I’ll experience more joys, pains, and deaths ahead.
But I’ll also look forward to, and can almost see now, the hoped for promise of eternal, unbounded, and boundless Glory.
THE END.