A Life Reviewed | After 9/11
In which Teófilo begins a long reflection on his Core Memories.
An unexamined life is not worth living ~ Aristotle
Preliminaries
Dear readers: thank you for your patience during these last couple of weeks as I went to lay my mother to rest. These were eventful, meaningful days. I'm certain we both found healing in her parting. It's a strange thing to say and admit, but there you have it. It's no less true.
I wish to start this next part of my Core Memories by examining some of them. I want to reflect on what I did wrong, right, or could've done better in light of the Gospel. For I'm captive to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as handed down by His Catholic Church. Jesus will weigh and judge my life according to His Gospel. The Judge is severe, but also all-merciful.
I may jump back and forth between memories without following their chronological order. That way this next stage of writing will suit my moods better. In the final draft I'll revert to the chronological order.
My first life examination will begin where I finished last time: after the September 11, 2001 attacks.
9/11 Aftermath
It's oft-repeated but it is true: 9/11 changed the nation. Of course, the victims and their families bore the brunt of irreparable change. The shock to the witnesses was unbearable, but even those of us who weren't, changed forever.
The day of the attacks and for many days after I felt a new emotion. This emotion was hate, in pure, unalloyed form. I directed my hate toward the perpetrators and their own networks of terror and hate.
I didn't direct my hatred toward Muslims as Muslims. I abhorred the harassment that so-called "patriots" began to inflict upon innocent Muslims. Xenophobia, never far too deep inside American consciousness, sprouted in full force. I began to hate what we had become as a country after the attacks.
Then I began to hate what I was becoming because of the attacks. Hate is a very sour emotion to hold and maintain. One has to be angry and something or someone all the time. Hate is high maintenance. It requires a constant feeding. My hate began to clash with my Catholic Christian conscience.
Praying in Earnest.
Prayer came to the rescue. I figured if extremists were praying for my death, I could at least pray for their conversion. They prayed up to seven times a day, I would pray twice.
That's how, after many years of trying, I began praying the Liturgy of the Hours in earnest. I first focused on Morning and Evening prayers, the main hours of the day. By 2008 I'd added Night prayer.
I began a slow transformation once I began praying the various Psalms and canticles. The heart cannot remain indifferent to what reason is asking for through the Psalms. My hate began to recede and dispel. A new peace of spirit began to dawn within me.
A Renewed Focus
I gave myself to the task at hand. My CENTCOM bosses assigned me the Horn of Africa and the Arabian Sea desk. The Horn of Africa included Djibouti, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Somalia, and also Yemen.
I began writing with fury and focus. And kept writing. Soon I had exceeded the section's production for the prior year in a few days. I became a subject matter expert and an editor. I laughed at the irony, remembering how my senior boss at NDIC had recently put down my skills. Everyone understood what I wrote during my CENTCOM stint, and wanted more.
It was also at that time that I began to see the shift toward Iraq. It bothered me that CENTCOM began focusing on Saddam before defeating Al-Qaeda. But I was a Lieutenant, Junior Grade. What did I know except for my little corner of the world?
Soon CENTCOM transferred me to a Washington, D.C. agency to help the effort along. I was happy because the new assignment placed me closer to home.
Back to College
Upon completing my year of active duty, I resumed reserve service. Not long afterwards the National Intelligence University admitted me to their postgraduate program. My reserve weekends consisted in attending graduate classes for the following two years. The Navy promoted me to full Lieutenant in the meantime.
I recall one of my final papers on the issue of terrorism. I focused on Lebanese Hezbollah. I predicted in 2004 that by 2025 - this year - Hezbollah would have abandoned terrorism and become only a political party in Lebanon.
I was wrong and naive. Hezbollah fed on hate and were experts in keeping it going raw. There are people in this world that let their hate define them, and are OK with it. Nor was I counting on Israel decimating the group in 2024 and recasting the region's balance of power.
Mobilized Again...
At no time did I have second thoughts about my profession. When it came to Al-Qaeda, I thought Bin Laden and his group were an evil needing stamping out from the world. I admitted this to me matter-of-factly, without any hate. I'd concluded that there are some evils in the world whose only solution was to kill them.
I kept busy the rest of the decade. I accrued more international travel both for the NDIC and the Navy. I travelled the world. I went to many places, did many different things, and met new people. By 2011 I had attained the rank of Lieutenant Commander, in time for a new active duty mobilization.
I returned to CENTCOM, this time with Special Operations, and went into the combat zone in Bagram, Afghanistan. Though the sky was the limit by the end of my assignment, I sensed the Lord had other plans for me. In 2013 I retired from military service, after 23 years of duty.
Just in time too, because Congress had decided to close the NDIC in 2012. I returned from active duty to pack and leave Pennsylvania to northern Virginia. Another geography beckoned. Like the patriarch Abraham, I obeyed God's order to leave for a new land, so-to-speak. Change continued its relentless pace.
Our boys were now adults and we had become grandparents during this interval. But that's another story.