A Life Reviewed | My Legacy of Pain
In which Teófilo muses about the pain he'd left his sons.
Hereditary Demons
There's a devotional strain in the Christian world today speaking of "generational demons." Many Christians have noticed that particular sins tend to "run" in families. For example, we can see that a spouse-beater often begets at least one child that will grow up to be his or her spouse. Or when a child grows narcissistic because one or both of the parents were narcissistic, and so on.
On one hand, believing a generational demon tempts whole families makes us feel like we understand what's happening. On the other, this explanation lets people avoid changing themselves. This explanation reminds me a lot about the "here be dragons" labels on ancient maps. We're convinced if we can name something that we can control it, somehow.
The "generational demons" explanation is shaky in Catholic theology. It is a new concept, imported from the Charismatic wing of the Protestant world. Though not bad in itself, the notion requires examination from Catholic people. We need to see what we can keep from the notion, and what to discard.
The idea of "generational demons" appears to explain why negative patterns of behavior repeat in families. These patterns repeat even when a parent generation didn't exemplify the bad behavior. hese patterns show up even when the environment doesn’t seem to be the cause. So, prayer warriors figure out what kind of demon is causing trouble and then pray to free the family from it.
I'll return to this idea after I discuss the next one.
One's genes remember, they say
Charismatic Protestants and Catholics aren't the only ones who've noticed these family patterns. Respected scientists like Drs. Mark Wolynn, Rachel Yehuda, and Bessel van der Kolk have found strong evidence that problems like depression, anxiety, chronic pain, phobias, and obsessive thoughts can be passed down from parents to children. Combined with life experiences, this inherited trauma can cause children to repeat or subconsciously relive the trauma. They drew these conclusions from experiments in the field of epigenetics.
I also recoil a little bit at this explanation, for it seems to shift the causes from "demons" to genetic changes that aren't yet well understood. How can genes record memories remains a mystery. It's like saying "consciousness rests in cellular organelles, or "dark matter/energy makes up most of the universe." We see patterns, make some guesses, and look for evidence to better understand what's really going on. Yet, we often get stuck on the initial label: "the Big Bang" or "dark matter" or "genetic memory." Or "demons."
Synthesis
I believe with the Church that demons are real beings. These beings were once good angels but chose to become evil through their own free will.
They hate God with a pure, distilled evil. Imagine the worst psychopatic killer you can think of, so evil he's fictional. Let's say he's Hannibal Lecter. Remove his joy in life's good things and expand his being a million times—that's close to what a demon is like.
Demons have a special hate for human beings. They dislike the matter-spirit composite that we are. They insist that matter defiles spirit, that God made a mistake creating us and thus, He isn't perfect for it. Demons want nothing more than to tear our spirits from our bodies thereby killing us in the process. That's why Jesus called Satan a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44). Demons can’t kill directly, so they tempt fallen humans to do it by their own free will. They find no dearth of people willing to kill.
God puts severe limits to demonic activity, or we wouldn't be here. Without those limits, demons would have turned the universe into a chaotic place where life couldn't exist. That's why I'm convinced these limits extend to the genetic workings of life itself. Demons do not tinker with the natural processes of life at any level. This is God's province - pace genetic engineers. Whatever evil gets imprinted on to our genes, it wasn't demons who put it there. We've done this to ourselves.
Demons or genetics may cause the evils that keep showing up in a family —we just don't know for sure. Yet, healing these evils requires we recognize them within us. For most of us, this understanding comes later in life—except for a few rare people who accepted God's grace early on. That's why my sons inherited my pain too, and now must deal with it with their own resources.
The Pain I Leave My Children
Inherited pain is a lot like inherited original sin. The Church teaches that one doesn't inherit the guilt of original sin, only its effects. In a similar way, we don't inherit the responsibility for the actions done by, or received by our ancestors. But we do inherit their pain.
As a consequence, I inherited my mother's pain. The moment Papi shattered her and turned her into a narcissist, took root in me. I inherited her desperate quest for a love that completed her, but she failed where I succeeded. When she became controlling instead of caring, I broke away to create a world where justice ruled. I chose not to hate those she hated. Breaking from her also caused me pain.
Mom may have inherited from Papi his guilt at breaking away from his own father. Late in life, Papi may have realized that his strict way of running the family might have caused in turn Mom’s flaws and desire to rebel. And from her mother, my beloved Mamá Ana, Mom probably learned that things would fix themselves by mere wishful thinking. And from Dad I may have inherited my desire to break away, leave everything behind and start anew elsewhere, without having to see his mother die from liver cirrhosis. Through him I may have inherited a sense of impotence at the things she was unable to change.
They were all victims of their own upbringing, of their parents’ own inherited pains. And on and on, each one carrying the pain of the generation that came before.
Looking back, I’ve realized how I could’ve ended up like Mom. I still recognize some of her worst traits within me. My sons will have to contend with that, as they too have inherited my genetic pain - and that of Mercie's, too.
My spiritual battles have held back the demons that once surrounded Dad’s, Mom’s, and maybe even our own family. I’ve also learned to appreciate my parents’ own humanity more. They may have given their very best even when their very best wasn’t enough. I thank and praise God for this realization. I’m their child, their heir, and that’s good too.
But recognizing and ameliorating my genetic pain in time to avoid damaging my sons has come too late. Now they're "carriers" of a pain not their own. Their children are now at risk if they themselves don't recognize the perils of original sin and inherited pain.
That's where having a strong Catholic Christian faith comes in. My faith is the best legacy I left them. Alas, even in that I was a less than perfect teacher, as you'll see next.